I want to make a confession.
For a very long time, I avoided having a conversation with a woman I was interested too.
It was not because that I feared rejection. And, I did fear if the woman would turn her back on me, tell me to “fuck off”, or even throw a drink in my face.
What I am about to share to you might not make sense to you. In the past, when I was learning “the game,” deep down inside me, I had a “gut-level fear” of being successful with women. My biggest fear was that she would actually want to talk to me. My fear was that women would be eager to talk to me, and even worse, they’d show some attraction to me after I started interacting with them.
Why did I have this fear of success?
I feared success because I knew I would disappoint her.
Let’s face it: there’s nothing disappointing than seeing attraction fading away from a woman’s eyes. For some strange reason, it feels a lot worse to lose something that you’ve only for a few moments than to never have it in the first place.
So that was the reason why I didn’t talk with women because, deep down, I knew for certain I would make a stupid mistake, and end up losing her… and that would hurt me even more than never talking to her in the first place.
Here’s the thing I could never get my “grip” on:
I realized that even after trying everything I’ve learned about creating attraction in a woman, I was constantly messing up my conversation with a woman.
I mean, I knew what to do. I knew what to say.
For example, I knew…
- I had to avoid the “interview type” conversations
- I knew that I was not supposed to compliment her too much (or show too much interest)
- I knew that I should try to display “value” through flirting, storytelling, and my humor
But, the longer the conversation got, the more I seem to forget the rules of the game and started doing and saying things that were killing my success.
Until, one fine day, I had a big “eureka” moment…
I figured my ‘core’ problem: Awkward silences.
I was afraid of those “awkward silences” and was doing everything in my power to avoid them, and that was what was sabotaging my success with women.
From the moment I started talking to a girl I was into… my mind would pop up tons of stupid questions like, “Okay, so far so good… now, what are you going to say next?” “Oh, man, you’re running out of things to say now…” “Don’t stop talking…”
I felt like I was doing everything humanly possible to not to run out of things to say. And in my haste to save this failing conversation, I abandoned everything I’ve learned about sparking attraction just to keep the conversation going.
Then I realised something simple that changed my game… forever: You make the silences awkward…
In this blog post, I’ll reveal to you two simple tricks you can quickly use into your interactions with women to diffuse some of the ‘tension’ built up during the silences…
But here’s what I want you to understand: Silences are “normal.” But it’s how you react to them that determines how she perceives them.
Just think about for a second: You had many moments of silences when having a conversation with your family, friends, and other acquaintances… and it was completely normal, wasn’t it?
In fact, this movie dialogue from the movie, Pulp Fiction explains it up well:
Mia Wallace: Don’t you hate that?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don’t know. That’s a good question.
Mia: That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
So, instead of using the time to “take a break” rather than yapping just about nothing, you could have turned something that could have been “awkward” into something that demonstrates a deeper level of rapport.
But in the dialogue above, Mia Wallace used a good tactic to diffuse the tension built up during an uncomfortable silence.
Simple trick #1 on how to avoid awkward silences: “Accept it.”
When you accept the silence, you break the tension.
The silence only becomes awkward when both of you understand that you’re running out of things to say to each other.
So, rather than avoiding this fact, simply accept it, and then normalize the situation with humour.
An example of how to acknowledge awkward silence:
“Oh no, the dreaded silence: Don’t worry, it’ll pass.”
By doing this, you’ll not only normalize the situation, but you’ll also demonstrate a large amount of “social intelligence.”
Women DON’T like feeling awkward. But when you display to her you can keep things from getting awkward, you’re basically telling her that she can feel secure around you and that she won’t have to go through a great level of discomfort that most men bring with them.
Simple trick #2 on how to avoid awkward silences: “Use it to your advantage to transition”
Most guys dread silences, but what if I tell you that you can use it as an opportunity to transition to a more “intimate level” of conversation? You’d start to look forward to them, won’t you?
Do you know what most guys do when the silence shows its ugly face? Yeah, that’s right, they panic. And, they hide it by avoiding eye contact, filling the silence with “useless” questions, fidgeting with their cell phone that only makes it more apparent how they’ve got nothing else to discuss.
Try this instead:
Use the silence as an opportunity to move her to a different location… or to a more intimate-level.
During the silence, look her in the eyes, and then start talking really slowly after it, saying something like:
“So what were you thinking when I came over to talk to you.”
“Let’s go out for a minute, and we’re going to play something I call ‘the questions game.'”
Did you just see how silences can allow you to add things into the conversation that you would have found really difficult if both of you kept yapping about nothing?
As you start to uncover the little tricks of holding on a conversation you immediately start to realise that it is wayyy easier than you imagined keeping a woman interested in talking to.
In fact, with the right amount of “tricks,” you can pretty much carry a conversation with almost every woman you’ll see on the planet, making her excited to finally meet a guy who does not bore her to death.
P.S. BTW, if you want more free tips to learn how to become a better conversationalist, then here are more articles on the topic:
- 6 Powerful Ways To Improve Your Communication Skills, Instantly!
- THESE 6 “Good Conversation Starters” Spikes Attraction, Almost Instantly!
- How To Make Conversation With A Girl (And Immediately Build Solid Connection)
- How To Start A Conversation With A Girl (3 Simple Tricks)!
- How To Talk To Women (Without Being a ‘Creep’)
P.P.S. And, if you truly want to overcome your shyness, self-limiting beliefs, and be able to approach, meet, connect, and date any women on the Streets, cafes, malls, or anywhere else Under the sun, and start getting better results — more phone numbers, more dates, and even an unbreakable Relationship — …
… then you might want to check out this kick-ass resource.